HBR Guide to Being a Great Boss by Harvard Business Review

Author:Harvard Business Review
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harvard Business Review Press
Published: 2021-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

Trap 3, Disruptive Emotions: I’m too upset to do this

How this trap ensnares employees

When workers are consumed with negative emotions such as anxiety, anger, or depression, they won’t be motivated to carry out a task.

How to help an employee out of this trap

Begin in a setting where you cannot be overheard. Tell them you want to understand why they are upset, and engage in active listening. Do not agree or disagree. Be nonjudgmental by asking what the employee believes is causing them to be upset. Then, briefly summarize what they said back to them and ask if you have understood. If they say no, apologize and tell them you are listening carefully and to “please try again.” When people feel they have been understood, their negative emotions soften a bit. It may be useful to tell them that you want to consider what they told you and schedule a time the next day to discuss. This often helps the person get more control over their emotions.

Keep in mind that anger is the belief that someone or something external to the person has caused or will cause them harm. Ask an employee feeling angry to try to reframe their belief about the external as resulting from ignorance or accident, not intention. Suggest ways they could invest the effort to eliminate the threat. Depression sometimes results from employees’ belief that they are internally inadequate in some way that they cannot control. In this case, it often helps to suggest that they are not “broken” or “inadequate” but only need to invest more effort in effective strategies. Offer your help. Anxious or fearful employees often respond positively to assistance with their approach to the task as well as to reminders that they are capable and can succeed with more effort.

If the emotions do not soften with time and effort or if they spring from outside the workplace, for example, it may be advisable to help the employee access counseling.

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